A Wink and a Nod
by Maebmin
Summary: Garrus is serving with Kaidan once again on the Normandy, and finds himself torn between being jealous of Kaidan's past with Shepard, and wanting to be his friend again. A fill that I wanted to polish that I wrote for the kinkmeme. Garrus/Shepard/Kaidan. Some smut in the middle (of course).
1. Chapter 1

This story has already been posted on kinkmeme, but I'm working on polishing the rest of this for my profile. The prompt asked for some more angst for the Garrus/Shepard/Kaidan love triangle, and I couldn't resist taking it on. I'm just a sucker for these three. Updates should be coming :3!

* * *

"Officer Vakarian, your presence is requested for a ground assignment."

Garrus glanced up towards EDI's chirping voice before he closed one of the cannon's metal panels. Shepard hadn't mentioned anything to him earlier about leaving the Normandy, but he was already tentatively excited. Those small ground missions with her had started to feel few and far in between lately.

He stood, sliding his gloves off and peeking up again, "I'll be there, EDI."

After cleaning up the battery, he made his way to the shuttle bay. He was seeking out that familiar mop of red hair when the door slid open for him to find Kaidan sitting across from where Garrus stood. He was loading a pistol in his hands, letting the clip pop into place as his eyes focused in recognition. "Hey, Garrus."

"Oh, Kaidan." He tried to contain his surprise by turning nonchalantly to his locker, pulling out his rifle before loading it quietly across his folded knee.

"Not expecting me?"

Garrus didn't look up, but did pause his stewing hands, "I never know what to expect when I get called up here."

Kaidan gave a breathy, single note laugh, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

What he had said was mostly true, but Garrus had nearly forgotten that Kaidan had recently come aboard in the first place…and he hadn't exactly processed that he was part of the crew again. Garrus still pictured him best standing on Horizon's dusty surface, scowling with his arms crossed as he spoke to Shepard. It wasn't that Garrus didn't have the utmost respect for him, but it had been a long time since they had worked alongside each other.

Footsteps behind Garrus relieved him of having to say something else. He turned to see Shepard in full armor already, putting her hands on the hilt of her waist as she examined the two men.

"Sorry for the short notice, guys. We got intel about some possible reaper tech at a small research facility nearby. All we're doing is picking it up for the Alliance," She paused to elegantly set her assault rifle on her back, "But, we always liked to be prepared, don't we?"

Both Garrus and Kaidan nodded obediently and finished getting ready. Garrus glanced at Shepard, who gave him a small wink before disappearing to talk to Steve. She did that often to him, especially after they started seeing each other. It was a strange human custom, but oddly comforting as a silent affirmation of their camaraderie, and was not unlike the small encouraging smiles his mother used to give him. He always tried to wink back, but she usually turned away by the time he mastered it.

They soon dropped down on the chilly green planet, landing a hundred or so meters from the facility. It was an unpopulated world except for the archaeologists who had found Prothean relics years ago, but the site seemed to be thriving with new finds recently.

"No breathers today, boys. Try to enjoy the fresh air," Shepard patted Garrus on the back as the hatch opened, before all three of them hopped down to the soil. They started their short trek over to the entrance, the sound of boots on grass and the hum of the facility keeping them company.

"Smells fresh here…like Vancouver," Kaidan fell to Shepard's side as Garrus did the same, letting her lead from the center.

Shepard grinned slyly, "You say that whenever we're on the ground and not in a desert."

"I guess when you're used to recycled air, any fresh air smells like home."

"Maybe for you, but this hardly resembles any of Palaven's odors," Garrus snipped, increasing his pace to be alongside Shepard.

Kaidan snorted and Shepard turned to him momentarily, giving him a look before focusing again on their destination.

"Alright, they should be expecting us, and they agreed to hand whatever it is over. I'm not expecting any problems, but the reaper _memorabilia _business isn't a friendly one, so keep your guard up."


	2. Chapter 2

The entrance led them into a narrow reception area, clean and bland of any design. A cerulean VI in the center greeted them and Garrus stiffened.

Shepard stepped forward and broadened her shoulders. Garrus watched her profile for a moment and let his eyes linger on her back before he glanced up to meet Kaidan's eyes, awkwardly. They both reflexively glanced away and shifted in their armor.

"I'm Commander Shepard of the Alliance. We had an…appointment."

The VI flickered for a moment, scanning Shepard before its grin widened slightly, "Commander Shepard, we've been expecting you, but we are currently having technical difficulties and ask that you remain patient."

Shepard didn't have time to react before Steve's buzzing comm cut in, "Shepard, we just lost communication with the Normandy."

She looked exasperatedly back at the two men standing behind her, "Do we know why?"

"Not yet, but if it was a natural disruption, we would've had some sort of notice before all off-planet communication died."

Shepard turned on her heels, holding the comm to her ear before releasing it and sighing, "Has to be Cerberus. The only question is if they're here already or just joined the party."

"Is extraction even worth it now? I thought it wasn't confirmed reaper tech," Kaidan snipped, leaning back on his hips and looking towards Garrus now.

Garrus folded his arms, scoffing lightly as he shook his head, "Someone wouldn't be messing with the Alliance if this was more than likely to be a dead end."

"It doesn't matter. I wouldn't have brought both of you if I didn't think this might happen. We have the researchers to think about now," Shepard's hand returned to her comm, "Cortez, we're going in. But be ready to take us out."

"Always, Commander."

They walked past the VI and into the facility's complex of sterile hallways, Shepard using her omni-tool for navigation. A gunshot echoed through the hallway and the question about Cerberus being there yet or not was abruptly answered. They drew their weapons automatically, beginning their light jog towards the ruckus.

The first main lab they got to was locked, but easily decrypted by Garrus. When the door opened, two bodies were immediately visible; an asari strewn across a desk and a human male laying face down on the tile floor. Only the security lights on the doorways were still on, and Garrus shuddered at the suddenly chilly air.

"Kaidan, check for life signs."

Garrus went on to decrypting the next door as Kaidan bent over the bodies. The next room was the volatile materials area where the tech should be held, if it wasn't already gone. Cerberus had to be still deeper into the facility, but they couldn't have escaped that easily.

Shepard stood still, the glow from her omni tool highlighting her frustrated face as her voice became higher and faster, "Where the hell are they? How did they move so quickly?"

Kaidan stood up and shook his head, "No life signs, Commander."

Shepard cursed and turned back to the threshold, "Garrus, get that door _open_."

"Working on it. This one's a little more complicated."

When the door finally gave, an ambush of bullets was waiting for them. Already in position, Shepard moved hastily forward into the room, taking cover behind the stacks of lab crates.

Garrus could make out six or so Cerberus troopers, all of whom were staying in reasonable cover. Not too unreasonable of a number, though they did have the advantage of preparation on their side. Garrus stayed behind as the other two advanced, preferring to take his focused shots as the other two worked. They were a good team, the three of them together. He had to admit that to himself. Kaidan's body lit up the shadows in blue, disorienting the troopers before Shepard would spring gun fire on them.

The action moved quickly, like it almost always did. Garrus centered his scope on the head of the final trooper, and with a final blast, it was silent in the cluttered room.

Garrus relaxed and glanced at Shepard, "I think we're good…but I'm getting disruption on my combat sensor still."

Shepard stood up from her cover, and Kaidan cautiously joined her at her side as they walked to the locked box in between two of the Cerberus bodies.

Shepard picked it up, lifting it to eye level and squinting. "That's the serial code we're looking for."

Garrus stood still at the doorway, looking at the room behind them cautiously. It would be clever of Cerberus to trap them into this smaller room after coming back in through the entrance, and he wasn't about to let another ambush happen.

Kaidan's voice pierced the silence abruptly, "Grenade, Shepard!"

"Wha-?"

Garrus turned to see Kaidan wrapping his arms around Shepard's waist, pulling her to the right violently and throwing her over the crates beside them as the crate she held fell to the floor, both of them falling over hard on their sides. Garrus lowered and braced himself involuntarily as the explosion went off.

The walls shook, and Garrus fell against the doorway he was standing in. When he steadied himself, he looked up to see Kaidan wrapping Shepard's arm around his shoulders and lifting her up from the now dusted floor.

Garrus propelled himself from the wall to her, "Shepard! Are you okay?" His voice echoed and wavered like tin.

She looked up and smiled, easing her weight off of Kaidan, "I'm fine, Garrus," She turned to Kaidan, who was still examining her. Their eyes met and lingered for a moment before he let go of her waist, Shepard affording him a small smile.

Garrus watched Kaidan and felt a wave of relief, and then irritability. In the heat of the moment, it annoyed him that Kaidan looked at Shepard with any care at all, even if he was completely justified. Anyone on the Normandy should be relieved that their squad mate was okay…But this was _different_, somehow.

There was silence before Garrus finally ran his hand against his fringe awkwardly as he realized his faux pas, barely squeaking out, "…Kaidan, you're okay too?"

"Yeah, Garrus. _I'm_ _fine_," Kaidan smirked. It was friendly sarcasm, but Garrus felt suddenly guilty.

Shepard examined her armor, and steadied her wandering breathing, "Jesus, Kaidan, if you hadn't noticed that, I'd probably have some grisly burns to attend to."

"Well, I'm good for something, aren't I, Shepard?" Kaidan laughed huskily before turning back to the now exploded crate of tech they had been searching for. He bent down, picking up the small case, "Well, we _retrieved_ it. Do you think they'll be able to get anything from this now, Garrus?"

Garrus was still staring at Shepard, whose round cheek had a small black mark swiped up to her eye. His stomach still hurt with shock, and he felt silly for a moment. Grenades were hardly rare, and they—he—should have considered it. If the Cerberus troopers were going to die, they would take the tech out with them, of course.

It was stupid of him.

He was brought back to reality when Shepard touched his arm suddenly, "You okay?"

Kaidan looked up from the case and Garrus' face became hot with embarrassment. He straightened as he walked closer to Kaidan to examine the tech. "Of course I am."

* * *

They returned soon to the shuttle uneventfully. The partially destroyed case was placed in the back, and Shepard sat across from both men as they rode back to the Normandy. Her arms were crossed in thought and her agitation at bringing back the now mostly useless item was evident.

"We're playing to get ahead of Cerberus, Shepard. It was more of a failure to them than to us," Kaidan spoke confidently. His assurance made Shepard finally look up at both of them.

"It could have gone worse, but it can always go better," She leaned back, like she was losing some of the tension built up in her. "Thanks for the help, though. I appreciate it."

Kaidan leaned forward on his knees, "It's good to be back, Shepard." He smiled with his infallible bittersweet tone; one Garrus always seemed to notice.

"It's good to have you back. You know that." Shepard's voice was still rough from combat, but she winked at Kaidan slyly.

The taste in Garrus' mouth went from sour to bitter, and before the silence in the room overwhelmed him, he took the rifle from his back and stood up, placing it in the locker as he avoided his squad mates eye contact. They docked soon enough, and the Normandy was a welcomed place to be. Garrus sought out the solitude of the ship's cannons once more and avoided Kaidan specifically for the rest of the day.

After that assignment, the days went by quickly. Shepard was as busy as ever, even leaving the Normandy for a few days as she met with the Council. For two people who lived on the same small ship, they often found themselves literally worlds apart.

He frequently realized that he didn't have to handle the battery entirely by himself, and that he should be working on helping the turian military or strategizing and working on diplomacy. When that work was done, he found that he couldn't handle idleness anymore, and working on the Normandy's guns hands-on was the only relaxing activity he could handle when Shepard wasn't nearby.

After one long day, he finally snuck out of the battery into the kitchen to eat and read when Kaidan rounded the corner.

"Hey, Garrus."

"Alenko." He sat down, pulling his already unappetizing food closer.

"Looks like you and me both are doing the late shifts." Kaidan pulled open the refrigerator, grabbing his high-calorie meal and setting it out on the counter.

"It appears that way."

Kaidan paused, noticing his agitation, before sitting down across the table. Garrus did his best to look away, still pretending to read his data pad of news from Palaven.

"Uhh, Garrus?" _God, that infuriating tone_ _again._ "Is everything alright? Between you and me?"

_Humans and their obsession with talking about things._ _"_I don't really know what you mean."

Kaidan opened the plastic on his food clumsily as he spoke in a very casual tone, "You don't seem very happy to be working around me, anymore."

Garrus stopped his fake reading, finally looking up at the biotic, "Have I insulted you?"

"No…" Kaidan shook his head, smirking already, "No, it's just… You're the one with Shepard now, it seems like you should be the happy one."

Garrus' mind went blank. What could he possibly say to that?

"I'm sorry; it's just that you—"

"Kaidan, I _don't _want to talk about this…"

It was silent for a moment before Kaidan leaned forward on his elbows, still ignoring his food, "Are you both happy?"

Garrus was about to open his mouth with some snappy reply. _Of course we're happy, and we've been happy ever since you ditched us_. He paused, though, and realized he just couldn't say that. He met eyes with Kaidan, who seemed to be looking at him with honesty and a tiny bit of pain. He couldn't just say the first thing that came to mind.

"Yes."

Kaidan leaned back in his chair, his expression as mysterious and dark as ever, "I know I fucked up before. I'm just trying to make up for it by being here now," He sat, thoughtful for a moment, before picking up his food and retreating to quarters.


	3. Chapter 3

New update!

The first half of this piece is entirely new stuff that I decided I needed to add for the flow of this story. The second half is pure smut, (it's kinkmeme material, so you knew that was coming).

Please review this! This story was written fairly quickly, (kind of testing out some "speed" writing instead of taking 3 months to finish fills), so I'd love some feedback. Loved it, hated it, whatever!

* * *

Garrus knew it would be pointless to try and fall asleep after speaking to Kaidan. Had he really been that rude to him, enough for Kaidan to be so insolent to try and strike a conversation up with him about it?

As annoyed as he was, Garrus felt a tugging pang deep within him that confused him endlessly. _Had_ he been unfair to Kaidan, in respect to his relationship with Shepard?

His mind wrestled and flopped. After the loss and the reunion between Archangel and the woman who escaped the eternity of death, the Commander who he swore his allegiance to and was helplessly, terrifyingly lost without, he had promised to himself not to take her for granted again. And that wasn't a romantic promise, either. The Spectre offers, the C-Sec positions, and the military adornment ending up meaning exactly zero, before and after Shepard's death. It was a matter of survival for him.

The years on Omega were spent becoming cold and distant. He was insane enough to search for his former squad mates on the extranet every once in a while, checking up on what they were doing.

Expecting to see everyone else going as crazy as he was, he was dismayed to find success. Liara was gaining massive power on Illium and was becoming very noteworthy as a young asari. Wrex became the leader of Clan Urdnot. And Kaidan was a rising Alliance star, being promoted to Staff Commander a year after Shepard's death.

Garrus had wondered if any of them bothered to check what Vakarian was up to. If they did, they would find nothing but a deserted Spectre training position, and a collapsing family who had never been sure where he was even living since he ditched the family honored position at C-Sec .

But after Horizon and Kaidan's rejection, the sultry looks from Shepard he thought he had imagined were now on fire. The Commander wasn't one to dance around her feelings, and once she nearly forced his reciprocity of feelings out of his bumbling mouth, there wasn't a second of looking back. Alenko was a distant speck, a sad place for a friend who had saved Garrus' life more times than he could count. But Garrus could not help but to relish in his replacement as he was suddenly finding himself in the arms of his best friend and the woman who could save the galaxy.

The simplicity of it changed, however, after Shepard was back after the reapers, this time heading the largest diplomatic mission that was ever conceived. They were just starting out, but Kaidan's injuries after Mars had left him bed ridden for weeks.

_"When are you going to talk to him?"_

_Shepard turned on her heels, throwing her hands up in annoyance, "About what?"_

_"About __**us**__, Shepard." _

_Her eyes closed as her head leaned against the elevator coming down from Huerta Memorial. Her voice came out small and weak, "I don't know. I feel guilty." _

_He grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to him, the elevator wall's lights twinkling in her eyes. He didn't mean for his voice to sound gruff, but the tone was unmistakable, "Why would you be guilty? Are you ashamed of me?" _

_Her eyes opened wide as she shook her head, "No! We just…never had a proper end to things. And I wanted you for so long before that…" Her voice faded and only the beat of the elevator cut through their silence. "He said there hasn't been anyone else for him. That he's been waiting."_

_That made Garrus incredulous for a moment. He paused, before shrugging and starting, "He could be lying to you." _

_Shepard's head shook solemnly as she straightened and looked towards the door. They both knew that he wasn't, but Garrus forced himself to try and be suspicious. _

_"He probably knows already. Who doesn't, now? But I have to admit it to his face. He was important to me…he still is. Tomorrow, I'll talk to him. I will." _

And she did. Garrus was waiting outside of Kaidan's room, sitting in the too-small waiting chair as he watched both of them through the small side window. Shepard sat down, and they spoke casually until their faces became tense. Shepard put her face in her hands while shaking it gently, and Kaidan's eyes looked very far away, like no one else was in the room. When Shepard was standing up to go, after their small, given embrace, Kaidan looked up to meet eyes with Garrus through the window.

Garrus was taken aback, almost deciding to pretend that he wasn't watching with interest and thought about walking away, nonchalantly. But he just stood still, and kept his stare straight ahead. He wanted to smile, to go inside and talk to Kaidan and catch up. That seemed so valuable lately. But Kaidan looked away and nodded at Shepard. She opened the door and motioned with her head towards the hallway. Garrus looked back at Kaidan, who still stared at the wall with wide eyes.

He paused for a second too long, and had to jog lightly to catch up with Shepard. She turned her head and looked at him, saying only, "Spectre Alenko is joining the Normandy. He'll be discharged and ready for battle in a week."

Garrus nodded, and they stayed silent until they left the hospital.

* * *

An hour later with no luck of sleep, it came to Garrus' attention that Shepard was onboard after being planet side with Liara for most of the day. He guiltily made his way to the elevator and up to her room, hoping to catch her in a compromising situation.

Shepard's quarters were a mess, as per usual. He picked up her old clothes and set them in a pile on her bed. Her shower was on, and she preferred to leave her bathroom door wide open, letting the steam escape to her desk. She looked beautiful when performing routine and he restrained himself to just enjoy the view from the couch.

The water turned off and her wet feet smacked against the floor as she walked over to her desk. Her body was wrapped in a white towel, and her damp hair curled away from her face as it dripped onto her shoulders.

"Hey there, stud. Didn't hear you come in."

"You shouldn't leave all your doors open like that. You never know when someone might come in."

She took the few steps down to the couch before placing her hands on her hips, "No one has ever come in here uninvited but _you, _jackass. And it's somehow _always _when I'm in the middle of a shower." She scooted his knees apart and climbed into his lap so she could face him, her legs straddling his hips.

His mandibles flared as he leaned back, adjusting her to be closer to him. "I just don't want anyone else seeing you like that."

"I showered with all the other girls up until a couple years ago. And, I don't want people to think I'm unapproachable, living with a locked door while everyone else practically lives together."

"You're their Commander; you're supposed to be a little discreet."

She smiled and moved her body into him before pausing, "Are you worried about one of those strapping gunnery officers coming up here and seducing me?"

He purred as he leaned into her neck, "Well, _this_ strapping gunnery officer is doing a pretty good job. I don't want anyone else getting ideas." He pressed his face down sideways on her chest, listening to her heart beat. Her fingers brushed against his fringe, making him tense up before starting again, "Kaidan talked to me earlier, when I was trying to eat."

Shepard stopped her massage and sat up, "Oh, yeah?"

"He says I've been mean to him."

There was deadpan silence before Shepard started to laugh. "You _are _mean to him, a little." She leaned forward again to kiss him, but he put his hands up to stop her.

"That wasn't my intention."

"It wasn't?"

"No."

"That's funny, because I'm always mean to Doctor Michel on purpose." They made eye contact and Shepard's eyes opened wide, along with her smile.

He shook his head, still holding her up away from him, "That isn't _funny_, Shepard. It's completely different."

"How's that?"

He sighed, shaking his head once more, "I was never _seeing _her, and even if I did, she doesn't _live _on the Normandy."

"Does Kaidan make you uncomfortable?"

Garrus considered the question, tilting his head to the side before he spoke carefully, "…I don't think he's very loyal. And I think he's still interested in you."

"Hmm, still interested in me? That would make him pretty loyal, wouldn't it?" Her words were scattered in hot breaths along his ear and her hands dug further into his armor.

It was clear that she wasn't interested in conversation, and even though his mind was distracted, his body began to melt under her fingertips. She began undoing the clasps of his armor in her tense, hurried manner that still made his stomach flutter after all these nights.

He reached out with one hand to her chest, stopping her from moving. His voice purred slow, "In this room, _you're_ the one who's loyal to _me._" He looked into her eyes before sliding one talon down to her cleavage, nestling it between her breasts before pulling it away, making the bath towel fall down to her hips.

Shepard's breathing hitched and they both sat very still. His eyes were still squarely focused on her face, but her eyes looked down and away from him. She always did that when he was the one to start. She loved to feign disinterest. It had bothered him the first time she tried that with him, as it seemed mocking and derisive. But he learned to take it as a challenge.

He ran his talons up her back, and she stretched out in reaction as her mouth gaped open. His fingers entangled themselves in her short, wet hair, gently at first, until he wrapped his hand around her neck from the back. He squeezed it tightly, forcing her head back farther as she finally gasped.

Her only tell was her legs that were tightening involuntarily to his body. As her body arched forward in mock protest, he leaned in to nuzzle his face into her chest. Her softness made his mouth water, but he held himself back from taking her now.

His other arm wrapped around her back, and as his hand squeezed tighter on her throat, he stood them both up, forcing her to make eye contact with him before he pushed her onto the bed.

She lay flat, looking up at him with her big, nervous eyes. Her hands were up next to her head, as if she was defenseless. He watched her, paying special attention to the way her breasts flattened when she was on her back. The sheets outlined her body exactly and he couldn't help staring.

The view was worth sacrificing for touch, however, and soon he was back on top of her. His hands groped her breasts before he realized he was being too gentle.

His hands abandoned her chest and found her throat once again, gripping it tightly as her body squirmed in breathlessness.

He let go, but still clenched her body underneath him. She made an exaggerated heaving for breath, and he stopped to stare at her.

"Tell me you want me."

Their eyes met and she stared blankly at him, her breath still heavy. His hand returned to her long neck, and he took time to move his body against hers. Her body shook slightly, but when she didn't reply, his grip on her tightened. He held it until her body flopped in dissent.

"Garrus—"

"Don't dance around the subject, Shepard. I can smell you."

That line never failed to make her blush, and she looked away from him again. He smiled at her flustered grimace. He took the opportunity to bite onto her shoulder, his hot breath melting her stiffness. She had begun to relax before he pushed his hand underneath her head, pulling her hair and her head back along with it. The pain caused her to squeak in a delightfully feminine way before her cry turned into a quiet moan of pleasure.

He put his mouth to her ear, letting his voice rumble to a purr, "Say it, Shepard…" He pulled the hair tightly before softening his grip climatically.

"I want you, Garrus."

He smirked. The game was over and he was the victor, like always. He began kissing her roughly and her limbs finally came back to life, moving aggressively to unclasp his armor and impatiently moving her body against his.

He relaxed his stance, sitting up so she could undress him and purring as he got the chance again to appreciate her laid out body against the softness of the bed.

Unfettered by his armor, he relaxed himself onto her before wrapping his arms completely around, pulling her as close to him as possible. His cock was now pressing tightly against her closed thighs, and all thoughts of taking this slowly went out the airlock.

He eased up on his grip of her, using his hands to spread her legs apart and to guide himself inside her. She whimpered and then moaned his name, stiffening her body and then moving her hips up greedily, taking him all in.

Shepard's strength seemed to return to her, wrapping her arms and legs tightly around him as if she was afraid he would get up and leave her. She didn't have to worry, though. Despite all the awkward talk about their physical compatibility, making love to her was the easiest thing he ever had done. Her softness was nerve wracking and his carapace was rough, but during the act, it felt like their bodies were more made for each other than any turian female he'd ever been with.

He hoped she thought the same way, and Kaidan's awkward conversation with him entered his mind unwelcomely.

He pushed his chest up with his arms against the bed, his body lifted above Shepard. He looked down at her, her body moving gently to the rhythm of his thrusts. Her eyes were barely open, but they held a warm gaze, and she gave him a wide smile that was punctuated by her rosy cheeks. She looked pleased, to say the least.

He smiled back at her and felt undeniably blissful. His body fell back to hers, and her arms returned to his shoulders.

He felt himself begin to lose it as he felt her tighten around his cock and quickening her movements. They whispered their names back and forth to each other, and Shepard's voice began to crack as her thighs trembled underneath him.

He held her body down tightly and watched her green eyes close in ecstasy as he finished inside of her. He continued thrusting into her for several moments, her body going completely stiff before nearly melting underneath him.

Shepard's body still quivered in exhaustion and pleasure, and he fell to her side as he admired his handiwork. The sweat was glistening on her heaving chest, and his stare was so concentrated that it surprised him when she rolled over to nuzzle herself into his body.

"Ohh, Garrus."

"Shepard."

She sighed deeply and closed her arms around him, "It's always good when you're jealous."

"Don't you just mean, 'it's always good'?"

She laughed and nodded while tracing his scars, "Well, that's true too."


	4. Chapter 4

Note:

This section took a while longer even though it's shorter. Finals didn't help, but I always have a hard time articulating what I want Kaidan and Garrus' relationship to be. Even the dialogue with Shepard takes a lot of time to consider.

Either way, this is still more polished and several paragraphs have been added to the original work. I hope it shows, and I still would appreciate reviews. Constructive criticism is my friend.

Also! This includes some stuff from the Citadel DLC. Nothing with the main mission, just the apartment and party aspect. So don't worry about spoilers about the plot if you were worried about that.

* * *

It was nearly a month later when Shepard received orders from Hackett to dock and meet up with Anderson. The crew had been ordered into shore leave, but Garrus had to stay behind for a few hours to oversee the beginning of the expansive Normandy maintenance. Once Shepard left, though, he spent most of his time making himself sick as he went over the schedules.

She had seemed nervous the night before, kicking him out from her quarters early with a headache as the only explanation. She was no doubt expecting bad news, and her trepidations had leached onto him. Mandatory shore leave seemed like a nice way of informing them that they were about to receive their final orders.

_Final orders_. A final mission. Was such a thing even possible? Garrus had doubted it and pushed the thought away until recently. But he was now beginning to sullenly realize that everything has its end, even fighting alongside Shepard.

_Every end has a beginning_, he thought to himself, before smiling sarcastically as he signed off on the checklist of upgrades. _Something good has to come out of this_. Right?

He checked his datapad and found a message from Shepard, detailing an address on the Silversun Strip and a note for him to meet her there when he was done. The knot in his stomach grew slightly, but her message seemed to clear his head.

* * *

The address, as Garrus soon found out, was a tremendous, hidden away apartment that had belonged to Anderson. Shepard explained the circumstances quietly to him, her hands tying themselves in knots in an unusual bout of excitement. As he listened, the glow from the giant fireplace was earnestly inviting, and Garrus was immediately attracted to it. He walked closer, barely glancing outside at the bright cityscape.

"So…Do you like it?" Shepard's voice rang out from the open kitchen.

Garrus looked over to her as she leaned her hands on the stone countertop excitedly. She looked happy, and seeing that made him smile. "It's…huge…and beautiful. It suits you." He neared the windows, watching transports dart by.

She joined him at his side in a moment, sighing largely before crossing her arms, "That's relative. The _Normandy_ suits me. This is a vacation house. Not a home."

He smirked, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her back to him, "We could raise children here. It's not like most Citadel apartments I've been around."

She stiffened herself before she continued, "You told me you never wanted to come back to the Citadel."

"I don't, really. But we don't really belong anywhere else, do we? I'd never force you to live on Palaven and in an envirosuit. And you hardly ever speak about Earth."

"Earth is my home planet, but it's not where I'm _from_," She sunk back into his arms sulkily.

"And Mindoir?"

She snorted, "Please."

"Hmm. Well, you should start thinking about it, because I think I'm going to be done with the military after this war."

"Sounds like you have some plans."

He was silent for a moment, before brushing her hair back and lowering his voice, "If we don't plan for after the war, Shepard, then why fight it?"

She paused before nuzzling herself into him, "I know. I am…" She looked out the window again, before speaking quietly, "There's a lot of stairs and levels to this place. It wouldn't be good for small children."

"That's a reasonable concern," He rocked her in his arms before she squirmed away from him with a glint of mischievousness. His eyes narrowed in suspicion as he waited for her to tell him what was up.

"Let's have a party. With all our friends."

He paused before he shook his head in a daze, "_Let's_ have a party? Don't you mean _you_ should have a party?"

"We're a couple. We're a package."

Her words had their way with melting him, but he still sighed, rubbing his eyes with the pads of his hands. "The first night you're given an apartment after weeks of work and you want to have a _social_ event?"

Her face tilted downward in seriousness before she spoke low, "That hardly sounds like any _young soldier _on _shore leave_."

"…That's low, even for you, Shepard."

She grabbed his hands playfully, swinging them in her hands before pulling herself closer to him now, "The jokes on you, everyone is already invited. 1900 hours. You'll be here…right?" She glanced up at him sternly as she made her eyes wide.

His head was still shaking, but he was grinning and couldn't quite hide it as well as he wished, "I'll be here, I suppose."

"You _suppose?_"

"I will, Shepard. You don't think I'm flaky, do you?"

She bit her lip and smiled, putting her hands up in mock compliance, "Noo, but you have been known to miss out on poker nights in order to catch up on calibrations."

"I'll be there." He watched her as she stared away from him, still biting her lip and looking tense. It had been a long morning, and now an even longer night was before them.

Still staring, he quite suddenly realized that he was feeling the sensations he had always expected to feel one day; aspirations of child bearing and protectiveness mixed together. It was a feeling that stung with wartime, but in that moment they seemed nearly normal, and very correct.

He reached out and grabbed her by her hip, tugging her to him once more, "And anyways, I was planning on spending the day here."

She nodded without looking at him, and they both stood there for a long time before she gave him a tour of the upstairs.

* * *

It was later that night when the myriad of crew members had shown up, and although Garrus honestly wouldn't have minded staying in bed for the rest of the day, he was excited to see everyone nevertheless. The grasp at normalcy was comforting, and he refused to let his cynicism infringe on it.

Shepard was doing her best in the role of modest host. She was the life of the party, charismatic and loud as ever as everyone was enchanted by her presence. Her laughter could be heard every few minutes as she circulated through her friends in her most casual of N7 shirts and cargo pants. He doubted she had anything that wasn't plastered with that logo, other than her seldom seen formal wear.

Garrus, on the other hand, felt content to stand at the well-stocked bar (_complete with dextro-friendly alcohol,_ no less) and bullshit with whoever came his way. Everyone seemed happy and audacious, and the alcohol had yet to turn everything into the bittersweet moroseness that was bound to happen in wartime.

He chatted with Joker mindlessly as he somehow ended up becoming everyone's mixologist. He poured Liara a Thessian Sunrise while she clapped her hands in bemusement.

"It looks look Shepard has her very own turian bartender. Did she hire you from Afterlife?"

Garrus growled in mock anger, making Joker straighten up in his chair, "Well, _someone's _not getting their special order."

Liara pouted her lips, reaching out for the glass anyway. He held it back to his side teasingly before his eye caught on Shepard and Kaidan standing outside the kitchen. They were talking to Grunt and Vega, seemingly acting out a previous mission of some sort. Shepard was laughing loudly, talking with her hands and explaining something Garrus couldn't quite make out from here. Kaidan then pointed to her, talking emphatically before wrapping his arm around her waist and then her legs, picking her up and shaking her as everyone laughed. They both looked at each other and smiled before he put her down in a gentlemanly fashion.

Garrus turned back to Liara, who was staring back at him expectedly. He put the drink back on the counter, saying coyly, "Alright, but any more comments out of you and we'll see about me being so nice."

She nodded, smirking, as Garrus turned to walk over to the kitchen. The group was still laughing, and Garrus surprised Shepard when he put his hand on her waist and pulled her to him, "What's so funny?"

She glanced up, looking nervous for a moment before leaning into him, "Oh, just reliving an earthquake that scared away our combatants in the Matano System."

"Hmm, I don't remember that one."

Kaidan clapped his hand on Garrus' back, "You should've been there, Garrus. I think Tali was with us for that one, though."

Garrus nodded slowly, "Sounds like fun."

There was silence, and Vega and Grunt had already left the conversation to drink more. Kaidan downed his drink, and Shepard looked up at Garrus as if she was waiting for something else.

"I'm going to get more whiskey. You guys want anything?" Kaidan began to walk towards the bar as both Shepard and Garrus shook their heads.

When he was out of earshot, Shepard drank before turning to Garrus and lifting her arm away from him, "Are you just watching and waiting for the best moment to embarrass me?"

"How was that embarrassing? I saw you carrying on. I wanted to know what the story was."

Her arms folded and she shook her head. Her annoyance made him feel guilty and irritated at himself and Kaidan simultaneously. She turned away to the couch where she could sit with Tali, and Garrus returned to his spot by the bar, mostly faking his chumminess with his boisterous friends.

His mood picked up soon though, and in a while, Shepard came back to the bar and asked him rather sweetly for more vodka. Her cheeks were reddened and she couldn't say much without laughing. Liara was at her side most of the time, and together they sounded like giggling school girls. He even warmed up to Kaidan soon and somehow ended up having a friendly discussion about the differences (and superiority) of human and turian military training.

It felt good to be friendly. To be normal. He had watched Kaidan months ago in the hospital, his thinned human lips and far away stare, and realized now that that was all he had wanted that day. He had wanted to wish him the best, to give him a hard time about hospital food and having his amp temporarily removed. To be friends, really.

He realized that at the time, he had been scared and sober and paranoid. And his reservations were clear still. But as he spoke to Kaidan now and the mutual intoxication boosted friendly conversation, it shocked Garrus that he was genuinely having a good time.


	5. Chapter 5

...Anddd the conclusion (_for now_, because who knows.)

* * *

The hours went by quickly and it wasn't long before most everyone was either gone or hanging on to their consciousness by a thread. Garrus was the most competent of all of them, although he was rather tipsy. He was still trying to serve drinks to a nearly passed out Joker when Liara appeared at his side, moving rather calculatedly.

"Shepard…is wondering…if you could get her some medicine. And some coffee for tomorrow," She laid her hands flat on the counter, looking up at Garrus hazily, "I told her you probably feel like we do. But she insisted."

He smiled at the request, leaning forward on his elbows before saying quietly, "I assume Shepard's on the couch."

"Yes. She doesn't believe she can stand up."

"Who's all here still?"

She put her hand up to her head, thinking hard before muttering, "Mmm. Us. Shepard. Tali. Kaidan. Grunt. Vega… I think. Most are sleeping."

Joker raised his head up from the bar in annoyance, "I think I'm still here."

Garrus glanced at Joker before nodding, "…Alright. I'll be back in a little while. I'll have to go down to the wards for anything at this time of night."

Liara smiled and walked back to the couch. Garrus followed her as he made his way to the door, glancing over at the sunken living room. The lights were dimmed and the fire gleamed warmly. Shepard and Liara were leaning close together, talking quietly, and Kaidan was on the other couch dozing. Shepard's eyes were mostly closed, but she gave him a small wink as he passed by.

Garrus felt good, in that odd, warm stupor. The lights of the wards were blurred in a pleasing fashion, and he took his time walking down to the still open convenience shops. He thought about his old C-Sec route through the markets, and what the sight of a scarred up, drunken turian would do to him when he was patrolling it years ago. He was surprised that no one harassed him as he made his way through the still busy nightlife before he found the suitable market.

He picked up the medicine (having to pause and ask the human storekeeper about what was appropriate for post-intoxication) and the best dextro- and levo-friendly coffee he could find. Afterwards, he returned to Shepard's apartment nearly a half hour after he left. It was silent other than the city traffic outside, and darker than he remembered.

He set the coffee next to the coffee maker, and was pulling the medicine out of his bag when he looked down into the living room. Liara was lying alone on the couch, wrapped in her own arms and her head on one of the square pillows. Kaidan and Shepard were nowhere to be seen. Garrus picked up her medicine before walking over to Liara and tapping her gently.

"Liara…is Shepard upstairs?"

Her eyes winced in annoyance as she hugged her body tighter, "Unh…Kaidan carried her upstairs."

Garrus' stomach twisted and he narrowed his eyes, "_Carried_?"

Liara only nodded, completely ignoring the tone in his voice. Garrus looked up the stairs, abandoning talking to Liara to walk up to Shepard's bedroom. He took each step slowly and quietly, gripping onto the metal rails with one hand and holding medicine in the other. He turned the corner to find Vega sleeping on the couch. He passed him, turning through the small modern hallways to the main bedroom.

Her nightstand light was still on, but he still paused for a moment to adjust his eyes. The first thing he saw was Shepard's sleeping face, her uncovered shoulder outside of the blankets. She lay on her back, but was twisted away from the door.

A more pertinent matter though, was Kaidan, sitting on the bed beside her. His hand was lightly brushing her face as he leaned over her in the dark.

Garrus' twisted stomach turned into a hot anger that welled up in his face. He stared at the scene, realizing that Kaidan had no idea that he was standing in the doorway.

Seconds later, Garrus dug a talon into Kaidan's shoulder, pulling him back as Kaidan let out a confused breath. He leaned forward, placing his mouth next to Kaidan's ear.

"Kaidan, let's go have a _talk_."

They both stumbled out of the bedroom, and in a moment, Garrus was settling his hand on Kaidan's shoulder while they walked down the stairs. He had nearly turned to say something before Garrus shook his head, growling, "Not in here, Kaidan," as he gave him a small shove.

He watched the biotic's calculated, heavy footsteps. Garrus chose to ignore his obvious intoxication in light of his anger, and pushed his back hard once the front door opened. Kaidan fell against the outside wall, regaining his balance without looking up. He looked resigned to his fate, which honestly confused Garrus. He had no idea how to react now, and he felt his own inebriation hamper his thinking.

The door behind them closed, and Garrus let instincts set in. He reached down, pulling Kaidan up straight by his neck. He stood above him, but leaned in close while he listened to Kaidan's stilted breathing.

"You have one chance to explain yourself," Garrus' clenched his soft throat as he paused. "Go."

Kaidan licked his lips and closed his eyes. Garrus let go of his neck, but still stood close as he waited impatiently.

"She stood up to go to bed, and tripped over the stairs. I helped her out," He looked past Garrus and through the window behind him before swallowing and continuing, "She was asleep the second she hit the bed…"

"So _why_ were you touching her when she was asleep?" Garrus turned the scene over in his head once more before he leaned against Kaidan again. "_And why_ was her _shirt_ off?"

Kaidan's eyes widened as he tensed in apprehension. His voice came out low and heavy, "She took it off once she was in bed. I don't think she remembered I was standing there…I…I don't know. I swear though, I didn't _do_ anything."

"She didn't remember you were standing there and _then_ you took the opportunity to lay your hands on her, Kaidan—"

"No, no, no. Garrus. Please. She was muttering _your_ name. She was missing you and I was sitting there. I was just trying to offer some sort of…comfort."

"And it had nothing to do with her being undressed and drunk out of her mind? Nothing to do with me being out of the apartment? Damn it, just _admit that,_ Kaidan."

Their voices had been slowly escalating throughout the conversation, and the echo created by Garrus' words was unsettling. The city's audio of far off voices and transports seemed more distant than usual, and the sound of both men breathing hard resonated between them.

Garrus watched Kaidan, feeling sickened by the pitiful, imploring way he was explaining the situation. He was about to ask his question again when Kaidan sighed and put his hands on his face.

"She is so strong. So great. I've let go, Garrus. But whiskey and being around old girlfriends is everything it's cracked up to be…you know?"

Garrus was put out for a moment, realizing that Kaidan was speaking the truth, the truth that Garrus understood and knew. Soon, though, the pity he felt became a burning frustration, and in a second he had wrapped his hands around the biotic's neck again, pulling him forward and pushing his head back against the wall.

"All you ever do is make me feel sorry for you. When you messaged me after seeing you on Horizon, when you cornered me in the mess hall, what you're doing right now. This time, it's over. You took advantage of me leaving so you could feel up the woman you left for your career. You may be a Spectre now and be everything I used to want to be, but you're still just _here now_, pining for the best thing humanity and the Spectres' have ever done. So save the bullshit about letting go, and actually _do it_."

He shook Kaidan once more, but was about to let go before Kaidan's biotics flared and Garrus was pushed back from his aggressive stance. He was disorientated, but threw a punch into Kaidan's stomach as he cursed. It knocked Kaidan back into the wall, and both of them stood far apart, waiting for the other one to react.

Garrus was breathing hard as he considered his situation. Getting into hand-to-hand combat with a skilled biotic was bad idea, and he felt suddenly foolish.

Kaidan straightened his stance before speaking confidently, "You weren't _with_ her when she died. You weren't in the Alliance. You ran away to Omega before we had even held the funeral. And don't pretend you ran because of how much you cared. _I _handled her death. I was surrounded by her legacy and I was still clouded by it on Horizon. You act like joining back up with her was the hard, honorable choice. You know that's wrong, though. It was the easy way out for you. And it would have been the easy way out for me. Don't give me _shit_ about letting go, Garrus, because you never had a _chance_ with_out_ Shepard."

Again, there was silence. Garrus couldn't make himself move, or think. As the quiet overwhelmed him, he passed his hand across his fringe and sighed before he continued, "You're right, Kaidan. I was a coward. I hadn't even screwed her when I had the audacity to let her death ruin my life. But you did. So I understand why it was so _hard_ for you," He relaxed before shaking his head, "Her command meant everything to me. I lost all control without it. When she came back into my life, it became very clear to me that she was my structure. Not C-Sec. Not the Spectres. Not Omega. Should I be ashamed of that? I don't know. But she deserves that devotion."

The two men locked eyes, and Garrus was worried about another biotic flare before continuing, "If it was anyone else, I wouldn't have listened to any explanation. She loves you being on the Normandy, Kaidan. I don't want to make it hard. But I need you to decide how you're going to handle yourself when you two are alone, because it's my turn to watch out for her."

Kaidan winced at his choice of words, but seemed to relax. He avoided the turian's gaze, and stared blankly at the floor for what seemed like a long time.

"I know, Garrus. I'm going back to the Normandy. Tell Shepard that it was a great party."

Garrus reached out and grabbed Kaidan's arm before he could walk away, pulling him back roughly. Kaidan was startled, but before he could react, Garrus spoke sternly, "If you ever touch her again, in any state, you'll be spending the rest of this war back at Huerta Memorial."

Kaidan stopped, only to reclaim his arm from Garrus harshly before walking down the hallway and leaving.

Garrus stood there for a very long time before shaking his head and going back inside the apartment. As he walked upstairs back to Shepard, he realized that he was unsatisfied in every sense. In one moment, he was angry at himself for even letting Kaidan explain his side of the story. In the next, he felt inescapably guilty. He was searching for a black or white answer to how he felt with Kaidan, but all he had now was a bad taste in his mouth.

* * *

When Garrus woke up, Shepard was still sleeping soundly. Usually, sleeping next to her meant waking up to the light of a data pad and her whispering to him that he should go back to sleep. But that night, he never felt her stir from the bed. He awoke several times to the sound of people leaving and getting sick, but her face never shifted from the placid innocence of sleep.

When it was late morning, he got up to shoo the remaining guests away. They all insisted that they would have to do this again, to which Garrus nodded humbly, as if the apartment and the decision were his.

Garrus returned to the bedroom to find Shepard's bright eyes open, her body lying out flat upon her chest. He shook his head as he sat on the mattress, once again pulling off his casual shirt. She smirked and flexed her body under the covers, in a way that made him notice her startlingly shoulder blades and the way they connected to the curve of her back.

"Where have you been? I thought you might've left me forever."

Her strong voice was now small and croaky, and when he laid down and pulled her to him, she let out a rickety but pleasant moan.

"Of course you would wake up when I was gone…I was kicking out your fellow drinkers. They seemed to be waiting around to say goodbye to you but I told them you were as good as dead up here."

"Mmm. I don't even want to think about what time it is."

"You shouldn't worry about that," He cupped his hand at the back of her neck and pulled her head underneath his chin, "You have no obligations today."

She laughed and shook her head, grinding her mussed hair into his throat. "I don't think I've ever been able to say that." She was silent while they enjoyed each other's warmth, before she stiffened in remembrance. "I'm sorry, I sent you out for medicine but I don't think I was conscious long enough to even see you when you got home."

"Well, I'm sure it'll come in handy today."

"I shouldn't have sent you out then. What if something had happened to you?"

Garrus' eyes widened and he pulled back to look at her. "Shepard, if I said the same thing to you, you'd punch me in the gut."

She ignored him, shutting her eyes and shaking her head in annoyance. "That's why I try not to drink. I get carried away and then there's no way I'd be ready for combat."

He reached up to her chin with his hand, closing his talons around her and forcing her to look at him. "If your big worry is protecting your _ex-C-Sec_ boyfriend from thugs in the wards while you're intoxicated, I think you need to be taken out of service and into a mental facility."

She was stubborn and only shook her head. "Not just thugs. Everything."

Garrus gave up, relaxing himself before he remembered his previous train of thought. "Kaidan told me that he helped you up the stairs last night."

"He did, I nearly broke my ankle before he came over." She turned on her back suddenly, in suspicion, "Why? When did you talk to him?"

"Before he left last night. We ran into each other."

"You should thank him for taking care of me. Liara was too far gone to notice, I think. I told you those stairs were dangerous."

Garrus swallowed and glanced away from Shepard, whose eyes had closed once more. His immediate reaction was to be annoyed and tell her that he didn't trust Kaidan at all, that the help he offered was not in good intention and that one of them could have ended up as a smear on the wall if their fight had escalated last night.

But then he glanced down at her, clutching the blankets to her chest, and her lack of obligations for the day. He thought back to the surprise grenade that had nearly tabled Shepard and Kaidan only a few weeks ago. His selfishness had stopped him from being grateful that Kaidan had been fast enough on his feet to protect Shepard and himself. That blast radius would've left her in the medbay for at least a week, and Garrus could only imagine his anger if Kaidan hadn't noticed anything that day. He was going to be blamed either way for what he did, but Kaidan chose to protect the thing Garrus found most precious.

_I know I fucked up before. I'm just trying to make up for it by being here now._

"…Maybe I will, Shepard. I don't know."

He wrapped his arms around her suddenly, making her eyes open and causing her to laugh in surprise. She returned the favor, and they stayed in bed for the rest of the morning.


End file.
